Gender-Swapping: an English Trade
by Dragon-Child of Lightning
Summary: England insists she gets no respect. But after a mishap with a spell, things go sideways with gaining respect. Join the nations and friends as they explore the world of the opposite gender. (rated T for language)
1. No Respect Equals Consciences

Gender-Swapping: an English Trade

By Dragon-Child of Lightning

Prologue: No Respect Equals Consciences

_Britain looked in the mirror, a horrified look on her face. But her face was no longer feminine, and all traces of grace were replaced with the look a sweater-vest nerd had._

"_Bloody Hell," she whispered, her voice now different. "What have I done?" _

_So, What Happened...?_

England had had it with the lack of respect she was receiving. Normally, as a gentlewoman and esteemed elder, she would have been given an innumerable amount of respect from her people; they all loved her. She was older then almost all the other countries. Almost all of them. France, Germania, China, and The Roman Empire (or Grandpa Rome as Italy called him) were a few who were still older then the English woman. Still, that wasn't a good enough excuse on her part. Whenever she walked into the room of the UN where the countries usually met, all she received was flak and impudence.

So, after yet another meeting that had more arguing then agreeing, Britain rushed home. When she finally slammed her door closed, she was greeted by a familiar voice.

"What's the rush Elizabeth?"

Looking to the voice, Britain smiled. "Flying Mint Bunny! Oh thank goodness you're here; I've had a dreadful day and could use a pick-me-up."

"What happened?" asked the mythical creature.

"Ugh, I'm so sick and tired of being treated like dirt. I am not old as dirt; that would be China." The country began to pace. "I mean, America and a few others that are clearly younger than me acquire more respect than I. I was once a great empire! I overlaid the globe! Argh, how can I gain more respect without _killing anyone_; this isn't the pirate age for me anymore. I could probably pull it all off though: I mean they're all morons some days." England held her chin in thought.

"FMB, what do you think?"

"Plague?" suggested the green rabbit, which was following Britain as she paced.

"No, too harsh."

"Deafness?"

"Now how would you suppose they be able to hear?"

"They won't."

"They'll be shouting for the longest time, and I cannot take that madness."

"True. Hmm… Oh! How about zombification?"

England raised a cynical brow. "Really? _Really_?"

"What?"

"Never mind; I'll think of another way." Elizabeth quit her pacing and went to the kitchen. Leaning on the counter for some reason always helped her think. She turned on the TV as she passed her living room. So, sulking on the counter, Lizzy thought. She took into consideration of Mint Bunny's suggestions, but made a face of disgust and quickly dismissed the ideas; she hadn't thought of doing that type of magic in forever. What would she turn her fellow nations, states, and even ex-countries into? Bugs? Dogs? Cats? Birds? Maybe fish? Her TV played its usual tune of the news until one message in particular caught her attention.

"We're live here in London where One Direction is hosting a fundraiser for the Red Cross. It's all about an hour or two long so bring your coats. Admission is only five pounds. Now back to you Maria."

The screen switched over to the anchors. "Thanks Beverly," thanked the anchor named Maria. "My Colin, if I can tell you one thing about most boys, they wish they could be switched for the ones on stage and be our usual 1D selection. Wouldn't you agree? Anyway, coming up next-"

Elizabeth perked up after that statement. "Switched," whispered woman. "Switched faces, switched feelings, switched personalities-" England shook her head; no way she was doing swapped personalities for a while. "What could I switch?" I few more minutes of thought lead to one conclusion. She snapped her fingers when the idea hit her. "I've got it; let's switch their brains!"

"Brains?" Flying Mint Bunny questioned.

"Yes, like in the movie and book Freaky Friday. The mother and daughter have their minds swapped for a day and by the end of that day, they respected each other more. Ha! This just might work!"

"I don't know. Who's brains would be switched with who's?"

"It would be random," England waved off. She was too excited to stop now. "To the Spell Room!"

Both woman and creature raced to the black door that led to Britain's Spell Room. Elizabeth flung open the door and zipped down the stairs, grabbing her black cloak and dress hanging on the coat rack as she entered.

"Stay in the hall for a minute Bunny," England told her rabbit. Flying Mint Bunny did as he was told and when the door opened again; there stood Elizabeth, completely decked out in black from hood to shoes.

"Why do you always wear that garb?" asked the rabbit.

"It gets me into character. Now come on!" England was almost skipping with exhilaration. A table/vanity near-by (which'd served more as a lab table) stood silent as Elizabeth came to it.

"OK, so if this spell is going to be random," Mint Bunny asked as Elizabeth combined a few ingredients, all smelling foul or sickly sweet. "Then what would happen to girls like China, Hungary, Italy, or Big Sister Romano?"

"First, Hungary acts more like a guy anyway. Second, it's all random; I don't care." England poured more liquids into another flask. Finally, she looked for the last two ingredients: a lock of Poland's hair (cross dresser; make the connections) and an alien's bugger (America had brought Steve over one day and the alien, who hated England, had allergies and his snot got everywhere. Fortunately it was good for something). Disgusted slightly, Elizabeth grabbed a pair of tongs and a gas mask and extracted the glowing green goo that belonged to Steve and placed it in a bowl, and poured the other beakers' ingredients into the bowl.  
Next, England opened a cabinet that had a lock of ever country's, ex-country's, state's, providence's hair (don't ask how she got them), and skimmed through the alphabetically arranged tresses.

"Pakistan, Pennsylvania, Philippines, ah ha! Here we go; Poland," Britain rejoiced when she found his hair. But when she went to open the little glass tube, she found that the final ingredient was missing.

"GAH! Bloody-Hell!" cursed the blonde. "I forgot I used it for a prank on France! What am I going to do now?" The island kingdom/nation paced and growled at herself, thinking about other possibilities that she could use. She slammed her palms on the table below the cabinet with the hair. She sighed, taping her pointer finger. Finally, she looked up to see the other strands of hair, and she thought to herself, what if she tried to combine two people with completely different personalities; two completely different mindsets?

"Of course," she thought aloud. She pinched her own hair in her fingers, and took a bottle with America's hair. "America and I have such different standards, different thoughts of the mind… Yes, this might just work." She grabbed the tresses and a pair of scissors off her desk.

She dashed Alfred's hair into the cauldron she had and sheared two even inches off her pigtails as well. She dashed back to her cabinets again to grab a spell book and the bowl holding the combined ingredients. She poured the disgusting, chunky liquid into the cauldron, watching as it mixed in with her 'witch's brew.' She opened her book, watching the strange blue and pink smoke rise out of the cauldron

She started to recite a strange text that translated into, basically, "Darkness shrouding thy mind, be lifted, and replaced by sight, though it maybe unkind. Let them see what it is like without respect or honor; let them see its true horror."

The smoke, after the words were spoken, turned a vivid, brilliant purple. This confused England; she had performed this exact Bodyswap Spell before (more during the Dark Ages then now), but purple smoke never appeared.

"Something's wrong," whispered England. She flipped through her spell book, looking for anything to do with purple smoke. As she did, the musty storm increased in volume, engulfing the country, FMB, and the room. But she kept franticly flipping through the pages. Finally, she found what she was dreading. She cursed, and as she did, the storm transformed into a hurricane, seeming to ravage the room. It threw Elizabeth back and in to the wall. Then… it vanished.

* * *

When England came to, the first thing she noticed was the excruciating ache in her chest and that her spell room looked untouched. She sat up hastily, quickly regretting it. But upon looking around, she saw that nothing was destroyed, let alone touched, in the room; most certainly everything was in its rightful place.

But her cleanliness was not her main worry; she lifted herself off the ground, feeling taller. This added to her worry. She raced (well tripped) to her vanity, only the reflection she had come to know as her own was not there.

Britain looked in the mirror, a horrified look on her face. But her face was no longer feminine, and all traces of grace were replaced with the look a sweater-vest nerd would have.

"Bloody Hell," she whispered, her voice now different. "What have I done?" Instead of her pigtails, England saw giant, caterpillar eyebrows covering half of her, no, _his_ forehead. His hair was now short as America's, and he looked, how should it put politely, ridiculous.

"Crap," he hissed. Britain began to pace. "Bloody Hell, bloody hell, BLOODY HELL!" he screamed, pulling his now short hair. "How stupid and desperate could I have truly been?! I knew I shouldn't've used America's hair; I should have just gone to Poland's place and cut his hair off till he was completely bald!"

Britain went on ranting till finally, Flying Mint Bunny spoke up, he now a she. "Eliz- er, Arthur? Yes that sounds like a nice name. Arthur, shouldn't we, just maybe, immediately look for a cure for this spell?"

"Aww, not you too Mint Bunny!" whined the caterpillar-browed man. "But you're right." So it began; Elizabeth Kirkland, now Arthur Kirkland, flew around the room, collecting dusty book after dusty book. Just as he was about to crack open the first one, he heard his phone go off. It still lay where it was put on the vanity, a bright mint still too. He sighed heavily and looked at the number; it was Francis.

"Hello?" England asked politely, but was bombarded by the cursing voice of a French woman. The cursing died down after a moment.

"You idiot! What ze hell did you do!? I'm a woman! Not zat I mind too much, BUT STILL! This is against ze the laws of nature!" France screeched.

"Calm yourself Franci- uh, Françoise. Yeah, Françoise. Look, I know I can fix this, but I'll need time."

"Time does not fix ze aging process!"

"We don't really age."

"NOT ZE POINT ENGLAND!" And with that, France hung up.

Arthur stared wide-eyed at his phone. He had to fix this; now! France, of all people, was now a girl. _I'm going to lay my floor with a pavement pizza if I think about that anymore_, England thought.

"I have the feeling we'll be getting more calls like that," Arthur sighed.

"I hope you have an unlimited plan than," Mint Bunny concluded.

* * *

To My Dear Readers,

I got stuck half way through the freaking prologue! What does that say about my writer's block?!

Ignoring that, hope you like this prologue and continue you to read the story! :3  
(And look; I wrote in accents! :D)

Sincerely,  
Dragon-Child of Lightning


	2. Dude, I'm A Girl!

Gender-Swapping: an English Trade

By Dragon-Child of Lightning

Chapter 1: Dude, I'm a Girl!

America ran full throttle as soon as the jet landed. The blonde was quite sure this was the other's fault, but as a precaution America raced even faster still.

"England! Dude! Open up, now!" the country hollered. No answer. "Gees… okay, I'm comin' in!" Virtually ripping the door off of its hinges, America huffed as they ran forward. Skidding in front of the 'Spell Room,' the American reached to open the door when it opened on its own. They spooked and backed up a few inches, waiting to see who opened the door. It _was_ England, but at the same time, not.

America stared wide eyed at the huge eyebrows on the UK's forehead. No way this was the same country; but then again…

"Bloody hell," he muttered to himself. Welp, that confirmed it.

"Yeah, bloody f-ing hell indeed. Mind telling me what the hell this is a product off?" America persisted as she motioned to her new additions out front.

"Um, an accident?"

"Explain dude!" And so, England did, simplifying it down enough so the point was made across. America never said a word as she listened. She just stared coldly at her now father-country. He in turn hurriedly blabbered on about revenge and respect and something about not having enough data to complete the entire process. This in turn maddened America even more.

"You- you," She stammered. "You _idiot_!"

"Yeah, no need to rub it in," England deadpanned.

"I can, I have and I flippin' will! Do you know how hard it is to run with boobs?!"

Arthur gave a look of self-distain. "No actually I don't."

Amelia paused and seemed to calm down. "Oh, yeah… right." She pursed her lips. "Wait, that's not an excuse!"

The male sighed heavily and motioned for America to move, ignoring her attitude. "I have but really one thing to do now and that's make an announcement to the others on what's happened and apologize to them."

"Well that's just peachy, but how are ya gonna fix me and, I don't know, everybody else?!"

He was silent.

"Look here caterpillar-brows; if you don't answer me, I'll rip those fuzzy little things off your face. I've lost my manhood and I'm not too happy about that. I want my horny-ness back."

England stopped mid-step. "In all honesty, I prefer you this way then."

Amelia pursed her lips. "You just like my boobs, don't 'cha?"

A flurry of red exploded on Arthur's cheeks as he whirled around. "Belt up and walk!"

"What; I bein' too 'inconsiderate'?"

"Yes; yes you are… What's your name now?"

"Amelia."

"Figures. And yes, it is as inconsiderate as your coverage of said appendages."

Amelia looked down at herself and shrugged. "They look fine to me."

England gave her a disgusted look. "I'll lend you some of my clothes; no way you're going out in public like that!"

"Okay daaad," America drawled. The two walked to England's bedroom and both were surprised to find the former gentlewoman's entire wardrobe had been transformed into what he was wearing now; vests, kaki, you name it. Even his military uniform was of a male design.

"Um, never mind," England said distantly.

"Yeh," America agreed passively.

"You should have seen this coming since you're not wearing a dress now," Mint Bunny sighed timidly.

"Should've," England agreed. America glanced at him strangely. The kitchen was the next stop. England took his place on the counter to sulk reflexively while America rooted through the fridge to find the makings for strawberry peach smoothies. When they were made, she slid a glass to the brooding male.

"So other than talking, what do you plan to do with all this?" the woman asked.

England mindlessly took a sip of the smoothie (surprised by its wonderful flavor) and shrugged. "I'm gormless, empty, rubbish at this point. I'd need to gen up the information in my older textbooks on magic, but other than that… well there's not a thing to worry about."

"Well that is except for—" '_Ja, ich bin viel stärker, als ich je gedacht hab/Fliege höher/Laufe viel schneller/Vergiss die Wahrheit nic—'_

England fumbled for his phone, surprised at the music. He pressed the call button. "England speaking."

"_Oh mein Gott_," responded a German woman. "It hit you too?"

England blinked. "The fu… Germany?!"

"Yes," she sighed. On her end, the German was scowling, uncomfortable and hugging herself tightly. "I am to assume this was your doing, correct?"

"Correct… um, name?"

Germany shrugged. "I've always liked the name Louise or Monika."

"Well pick one; you know me when it comes to names," England exhaled, exasperated already.

"Hmm… Louise Monika Beilschmidt."

"That works."

"Vell, vith that settled… vhat did you do?" Louise pressed.

"Spell malfunctioned; simple as that."

"Vhat vere you creating a spell for?"

"Well…" England hesitated and looked at Amelia. She shrugged and gave him a look that said, 'you're on your own.' "The… details are not as… important, at the moment," he drawled out.

"Okay, so you're being reluctant, _Vielen Dank_," the blonde replied sarcastically.

"What do you expect? It's embarrassing!"

"You think you're embarrassed? Try having your manhood stolen," she replied curtly.

England twitched and whipped an irritated expression toward America, who was smirking at this point. "Told you," she seemed to purr.

"Vait, _wer ist das_?" Germany asked, curious at the sound of the familiar voice.

"English?" England deadpanned.

"Vho is that?" she translated.

"America," he replied.

"Oh, _Gott segne dich_."

"Tell me about it."

"Guys, I'm right here," America said distastefully.

"Hold on, put me on speaker," Germany requested. England complied. "America?"

"At your beck and call m'lady," the other female joked.

"My, sound so… _weiblich_," Louise stated.

"_Ja, ich weiß_," America sighed and stole the phone. The next few lines are in German, but for the sake of translation, here are the English versions. "_So… feminism. Is it being kind to you_?"

"_More or less. Couldn't really say the same for Gil_."

"_Well aren't you fucked._"

"_Yeah, shit went sideways in the worst possible way._"

"_How sideways?_"

"_Try having your brother, now sister, literally jumping on you in the morning before my alarm clock went off and shouting,_ 'Bruder! _Check out what happened to the awesome me! I'm a chick!'_"

"_Sounds like him, uh, her._"

England, in the meantime, sat on his stool and sulked, again. It scared him to think of who else changed. France already had contacted him, now Germany… this was not going to be an amusing day. He checked his oven's clock, seeing it was now nine in the morning.  
Another knock came from the door. England knitted his brows and then sighed heavily. _It's probably France_, he thought. He trudged his way to the large, foreboding door, reluctantly reaching for the handle, pulled it open, and…

"こんにちは (Kon'nichiwa), イギリスくん (Igirisu-kun)," Japan greeted, bowing at the sight of the blonde.

"Um, hello," 'Iguirisu-kun' replied, shocked at the woman's appearance. She was now at least a few inches shorter the before, but her hair now in a feminine bob. Her once black eyes had an amber sheen and looked excessively shy. Unlike America, Japan had come in uniform.

"Do your mind if I come in," she asked shyly.

"Of course not," England shook his head and then gestured for Japan to come in.

The two walked to the kitchen, where America called out, "Hey who was that Iggy—oh! Japan!"

"Japan's there now?" Germany asked in English.

"Herro America and, um, who is on the phone?"

"It's Germany."

"Oh. Sorry, I did not recognize your voice."

"_Kein problem_."

"So," America intruded. "We have half of the Axis here, England, and myself. Anybody got any bright ideas?"

"I came here to see if it was Engrand-sa-, Engrand-kun who did this… am I correct?" Japan revised herself.

"Yes," the Englishman replied.

"ありがとう (Arigato)," she thanked. She put a hand to her mouth, thinking for a moment before saying, "Engrand-kun, might I ask what happened?"

England shuffled around before sighing and complied to explain. He told them about how he thought he had no respect and how he thought switching around everyone's ones minds would make them appreciate her more and find her more powerful too. America shook her head every so often in reply to the repeated story.

"England, _du bist dumm_," Louise stated dryly.

"Right?" Amelia laughed.

"No, I'm serious." The phone sighed and muttered incoherently before Louise came back. "England… vait, vhat's your name now?"

"Arthur," he stated.

"Arthur, do you seriously think you have no respect? Look around you; you're smothered vith respect! Everybody loves you, not just because of your status, but because of your personality. Ve love the fact that you can come up vith some of the stupidest, most embarrassing comments vith ease to get attention on yourself to establish importance. I am personally always in awe of you."

Arthur blinked at this speech. She, er, he… was something of awe to Germany? "You're joking, right?"

"_Nien_. I don't joke around; you should know that by now."

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again in shame. All this work, for it only to be fizzled out with a German speech.  
There was no need to demand respect; she had had it in the palm of her hand. She was just too blind to it and ungrateful that her heart had ignored the nods Japan and Germany would give her every time they met, the hugs Italy gave in greeting, the smiles from Spain… the list went on. Even America, now that the caterpillar-browed male thought about it, had his own way of greeting that was unique to England and was, believe it or not, quite dutiful and polite.

"God help me… I screwed up in the worst way possible," Arthur finally quavered.

"Well yeah," Amelia nodded. Japan gave a polite nod of agreement.

"So vhat do you intend to do about all this?" Louise asked through the sound of sudden chirping.

England sighed again, breathing deeply. "I intend to fess up and tell everyone. Then I intend to also keep France away from me and fix this mess."

"Right on!" Amelia cheered, giving a thumbs up. Japan did too, and England could imagine Louise giving a thumbs up too.

"Alright, my job is done," Germany finally sighed.

"No it ain't Louise," America put it.

"Excuse me?"

"We still haven't figured out a name for Japan!"

"Oh! I rearry don't need one; Japan is suffice," the small Asian protested, looking a little distraught.

"Nope, it's happening," Arthur agreed.

Japan, poked her forefingers together, fretting a little more.

"Might I ask vhy you're' against a new name?" Germany inquired.

"I, um, I…" She trailed off for a moment. "I don't want anybody rearry picking a name for me… I arready thought of one."

"What is it?"

"…Mameko," Japan muttered.

"Aww!" America squealed. "So kawaiiii!" Japan gave her a dirty look. "Okay, I'll never say that in front of you again. But seriously, that's so fitting and adorable! What does it mean?"

"…Bean chird, or rittle tiny one."

"Makes sense. Could I call you Sakura though?" Germany asked.

"Why?"

"I alvays saw you as a Sakura honestly."

"I don't mind if you carr me that Rouise-san." She glared as much as she could at Amelia. "I would refrain from carring me that though, Ameria-chan.

"Note taken," the American smiled nervously.

Silence…

"Oi, I don't wanna jinx this," Mint Bunny whispered to England. "But I don't think France is coming over."

Another knock at the door.

"Murphey's law my small friend," Arthur grunted, making a raspberry noise as he reached the door again. Again, England was surprised to not just see Françoise, but also Spain.

"_Expliquer_," Françoise snapped curtly. Spain waved sheepishly.

"_Entrez_," England gestured. The Frenchwoman brushed past roughly, marching to the kitchen.

"Sorry 'bout this," Spain apologized.

"No, don't be," Arthur sighed.

"So," Spain looked down at herself. "Mind telling me what's going on _señor_?"

"Well…"


End file.
